Ask B: Frenemies

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Dear B,

I have a friend, well I thought she was a friend, and lately she’s feeling more like a frenemy. She’s passive aggressive and puts me down with snide remarks that are masked as harmless jokes, makes the bare minimum amount of effort to maintain our friendship, and every time we are together I feel bad about myself. She also gossips about other people in our social circle, which leads me to believe she is probably gossiping about me too. Given that we do indeed have mutual friends and I don’t want to burn any bridges, what is the best way to handle her and our friendship?

Sincerely,

H


Dear H,

This girl does sounds like a frenemy! Frenemies are an interesting breed, and one to be cautious of – I’ve encountered them before as well so I understand your dilemma. The key takeaway here is that after you spend time with a true friend, you should feel happy and uplifted, not down about yourself, and so I think you are wise to reevaluate the friendship. Since you need to keep the peace with her, I advise two things. First, be realistic about your expectations and accept her for what she is – a frenemy. This way, you won’t be so disappointed when she behaves in not so kind manner. Second, consider limiting your time with her. Instead of always reaching out to her, focus more on fostering friendships with the girls who treat you well and are actually true friends. To keep things copacetic, you of course be your sweet self when you see her, but I think a bit of distance will do you some good. Best of luck my darling!

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